Uncle Ted

Ted fucking Nugent was in line in front of me at the coffee shack, and he was on my plane from Detroit to Dallas!!!

That is all.

North Carolina and the Chevy Malibu

I headed to NC with a solid two days and approximately 600 miles of driving, and right off the bat I was a bit worried. At the rental car place, the guy told me I could take any vehicle I wanted from the entire row...which at first was a little exciting. My excitement quickly vanished when the row in question went Minivan-HHR-Minivan-HHR and so on. There was only one vehicle in the row that was different- a 2009 Chevy Malibu.

I was literally the first one to rent this vehicle, as it had a grand total of 2 miles on the odometer. And as far as rental cars go, it was fine. It had four wheels, a seat and when you stepped on the gas pedal it went. However, if you are looking at one of these to purchase, let me tell you why you shouldn't

1. For the first 200 miles, I thought the car was on fire. I literally had to pull over and pop the hood and make sure I wasn't about to die. There must have been some sort of protective coating sprayed around the engine somewhere that was burning off.

2. The interior sucks. Everything is made of plastic, and the fitment isn't the best. (Note to GM: Texturing plastic to look like leather grain isn't fooling anyone. We still know it's plastic). Plus all the Delco electronics that the domestics use just look dated. I mean, the displays are the same light blue color they were in the 80s. Even though they work great and have a bunch of pretty cool features, they just seem really dated.

3. The cruise control sucks. On level ground it works just fine, but going down hill it bucks like crazy trying to maintain the speed. I actually thought the engine was having issues until I played with it a bit.

4. The rear window is almost useless. It's very short and the rear seats have gigantic headrests that block half of it. Not to mention that when it rains, water sheets over the back window and you literally can't see a thing out of it. And the Malibu isn't fast enough to not need to see behind you.

5. The turn signal is the most annoying thing in a car I have ever experienced. Instead of subtle "click click", there is a tone that sounds like someone slowed down a German Techno backbeat. It literally sounds like it's from a Casio keyboard! Not too mention it's loud enough for Aunt Mable to hear even if the battery in her hearing aid goes. I used it once and that was it. If I got pulled over for not signalling, I would simply demonstrate the noise pollution created by the unholiest device ever- knowing that there would be no way he could give me a ticket and still sleep at night.

So in short, don't buy one.

The Atlanta Gas Crisis of 2008

As you may have heard, there is a bit of a gas crisis in the Southeast this year. While there is a bit of a shortage, it isn't quite in the same league as the one in the 70s. At any rate, it is a little weird to drive around and pass station after station with baggies on the pump handles and no prices listed. But the weirdness didn't stop there...there were a couple other things that aren't quite sitting right with this whole situation.

First off, gas mysterious appears and is plentiful about 100 miles away from town. We took a road trip to Maryland this last weekend (We drove the diesel) and past South Carolina it was business as usual. Can't someone load up a tanker and bring some down the freeway a bit?

Second, gas prices are high....but not really high. When Ike was about to hit the Gulf but supply was still plentiful, prices spiked to over $5 a gallon. Yet when you can't find any gas for 20 miles, the price is still in the low $4 range. When there is no supply, and demand is as high as ever, price is supposed to increase. At least that's what my mediocre state college education told me.

But the most ironic event of the week happened on Tuesday. While in Maryland we had heard from a number of people that the "crisis" had gotten much worse while we were gone and that you really couldn't find it anywhere. We didn't panic since we had the diesel and that was still readily available everywhere, but I was a bit concerned knowing my car was sitting in the garage with fumes in the tank. We got back from our trip late Monday night, and just decided to share the diesel the next day, scouting stations on the way into work so I could find out where to fill up my car that night. So the typical Atlanta trek into work the next day had us cruising at around 10 miles per hour when a fairly large object flies out from under the vehicle in front of us. With no where to go, I took it right down the middle hoping to straddle it. But with the lowered suspension on the car...no such luck. Whatever it was, we were dragging it along underneath us. Fortunately we came to a stop light fairly shortly afterward and I got out to assess and rid us of our new passenger. You can imagine my surprise though when I looked under the car and saw a bright red gas can! Of course dragging it on the ground didn't help it's ability to hold it's contents much, so as I pulled it from under the car gas is pouring everywhere creating a biohazard. But as I stood there in the middle of the road, with a leaking gas can in my hand the irony of the situation hit me- We were looking for gas this morning and we literally ran into it!

Cleveland OH and the Mercury Grand Marquis

So lots of changes at work and I'm back on the road a bit. My first trip in some time took me to Cleveland to visit my new clients. Not only did I get to go to Cleveland, I got to go with my boss- Yay!

Just a quick overnighter this time, and since we were running very similar schedules we shared a car. So when the fine people at Hertz provided me a Grand Marquis, I knew I had entered a slightly lower ring of hell.

The Grand Marquis is the cheapest "luxury" car I know. It's a shit pile. This turd had 16k on the clock and stuff was literally falling off on the inside. The gold on beige color combo was moderately attractive for 1984, and this is the only car I can think of off the top of my head with a front bench seat any more. Needless to say I loved every minute of it. The only upside that I can think of is the engine. It actually has some decent horsepower...although with the weight of the car makes it feel only average. This did not stop me from flogging it about however, much to my bosses dismay. The power steering pump was designed by Lou Ferrigno, so one fingered steering is no problem at all. I think I completed approximately 87 Uturns during my trip, of which a maximum 20 were legal. The only bit of fun this car offers is to slow to a creep, stick your index finger under a steering wheel spoke, make four or five swirls in the direction of your choice, and when you are pointing in the opposite direction stab the throttle and let the wheel go slack. You can repeat this until you are bored...which is approximately 3 times.

Now on to Cleveland. I didn't see much of the city, and since I had never been there before I let the client pick the restaurant. Predictably, they chose a steak house. As we were heading out, they asked if we knew how to get there and of course provided directions. I was highly disturbed when they said "It's in the Radisson. You can see it from the freeway.". A steak house in the Radisson? Let me check and see if there is any room in the next lowest ring of hell.

No Vacancy. In fact, since hell was fully booked they offered me an upgrade somewhere in Heaven's economy plus section. Hyde Park doesn't look like much from the outside, but as soon as you open the door you know they mean business. The staff was very attentive and knowledgeable, and the offerings were more than satisfying. Most of the steaks were as big as your head, and even the baby portions were plenty for the normal appetite. With all the steak preparations named for Cleveland atheletes, you get to order by using cool phrases like "Steak Lebron". Sides are family style, and they will let you order just starches and will only give you minimal crap for not including anything green in your meal. They didn't have the best beer selection, but they did have two Magic Hat offering on draught. But we are talking about the Midwest here...so I'll let it slide.

While it wasn't the most spectacular hunk of meat I've ever had, it was damn good. If you are after a decent steak in Cleveland and don't want to seem pretentious by going to a Ruth's Chris or something...check out http://www.hydeparkrestaurants.com/

The Great Maple Bar Hunt of 2008

It's hard to believe it's been 8 months since I've moved to the Dirty South, but it certainly has. It's funny, but every once in awhile we get homesick for certain things. I think it's all about the simple things you take for granted, and don't realize how much you would miss them if they were gone. Recently, this very scenario played out with Maple Bars. I forget how the conversation came about, but somehow we were discussing our favorite donuts with people out here. Both G and I have very fond memories of weekend donut runs as kids, taken one step further for me as an adult by VooDoo Doughnuts Bacon Maple Bar (www.voodoodoughnuts.com). With such great memories surrounding the maple bar, we had to include these at the top of our list....and the confused look on the southerner's faces brought a shiver to my spine.

They don't have maple bars in the south! That's crazy, surely they do.

This revelation led to some reseach. Lo and behold, Wikipedia said it all:
"A maple bar is a rectangular pastry with maple glaze on top. It is a regional term from the Pacific Northwest, specifically Oregon and Washington. Elsewhere it is known as a maple-glazed Long John.

Within the Pacific Northwest maple bars are among the most popular and common pastries."

So they really don't have maple bars in the south...uh oh.

I was not ready to throw in the towel just yet. Hence the Great Maple Bar Hunt of 2008 was born. We rallied the troops...calling all of the friends we have met out here and put them on a mission- find me a maple bar! Using the VWVortex (forums.vwvortex.com) as a means for discussion and tracking the hunt was quickly on. Since we were discussing this on a public forum, more and more people became intrigued and the hunt rapidly expanded. Numerous calls were met with very curious responses, but no one had maple bars. Finally after about 20 different bakeries/donut shops were hit...we had a lead. While in a grocery store, one of my friends Chris found maple-glazed donuts and chocolate-covered creme filled bars. He did the math, and since they had the maple icing and could make bars...they had to be able to create a maple bar.

It took some arm twisting, but eventually Chris was able to order 3 dozen "Maple glazed unfilled bars" and the feast was planned. I cooked up about 2 pounds of bacon for those daring enough to try the fabled "Bacon Maple Bar". We had around 15 people in attendance, and the southerners agreed- they were missing out on the deliciousness that is a maple bar.

The crazy thing is, I'm not that big of a donut person. I think it's more the fact that someone said I couldn't get one that made me want it all the more. Like I said, funny the things you would never miss until they are gone.

On the road again- Texas

So I knew I was going to start traveling again a bit for work, and sure enough, I had to dive right in head first. Last week was my Texas tour- 6 flights in 3 days.

Did I mention I'm not a huge fan of Texas? At any rate, I made it through unscathed but definitely exhausted. So I thought I would harken back to my past and do some mini rental car reviews, considering how I had three that week.

Day 1- Plano and the Jeep Liberty

Pros- Big and roomy, big engine with lots of power
Cons- Twitchy steering, WAY too soft of a suspension. Heed the rollover warnings on this one. Window switches are in the center console instead of the door...so you instinctively reach for the switch in the door and end up locking/unlocking the door instead of rolling the window down.
Plano- I was only there for 8 hours, and 2 of those were spent in DFW. I do know they have Jack in the Box though...which depending on your outlook is either really good or really bad.

Day Two- McAllen and the Hyundai Santa Fe

Pros- Overall a decent vehicle. Nothing really stands outs about it, but it'll get you from Point A to Point B just fine
Cons- Nothing stands out about it...hard to get excited about it
McAllen is a little town in the south of Texas...and I was only there overnight. I have been there before, and I can tell you they have some damn good Mexican food places there...which they should since it's just across the border. But unless you have specific business there...you don't really need to go. You won't miss much.

Day three- El Paso and the Pontiac G6

Pros- It was a car instead of an SUV! Actually it feels pretty well put together. Good lines, decent looking. Engine was surprisingly powerful for the car. Car was bigger than I thought
Cons- The damn American Automakers transmissions. Can we please make a car that allows you to actually put some of that power to the ground in a useful fashion? I mean...what's the point of having so many horses if you are going to gear it so high you can't use them?
El Paso- Have you seen the movie "No Country for Old Men"? It was pretty good. I believe it was set in the late 70s if I remember correctly. Part of it was set in El Paso...and the town looked just like the movie. I swear the town is stuck in a Time Vortex, kind of like the entire state of Idaho.

Wedding Rants

OK…so you all knew it was coming. The time when I had to blow off some steam around the upcoming wedding. So without further ado, here are my current bitches:

Airfare

Yeah I know oil prices are climbing and the airlines have to make money, but the way they price their flights makes no sense whatsoever. Maybe I’m just not used to paying for them, but this is getting out of control. Just trying to get two tickets to PDX from ATL for our wedding has turned into an exhaustive search. On average, it was running between $550-$650 for each ticket, which at times was almost as much as the fare between PDX and Hawaii. And the times were horrible- 6am departures were the norm! But finally after weeks and weeks of daily updates, I had figured out a plan. I cashed in the remainder of my miles on a first class ticket with decent departure/arrival times for Gayle, and bought myself a coach ticket for the same flight at a cost of $850. Still outrageous, but better than the $1100-$1300 we’d have to pay if we bought two crappy flights on our own. I will try to upgrade my ticket so I can be first class too, but I’m guessing we’ll probably end up giving it up so we can sit together in the back of the bus.

Hotels

I really like the hotel we’ve chosen to host our wedding- it’s very unique and seems to mesh with our personality quite well. But why, oh why does it seem like I have the best of luck when it comes to remodeling projects? Yes, the room we’ve reserved for our wedding is slated for demolition and will actually not exist when it’s time for our wedding. Now the hotel is being very considerate and has already reserved us another room just in case things aren’t completed by then, however the two week project has already been delayed over 5 due to permit issues. And the room they are building will actually be better than the one reserved…if it gets finished on time. Really this isn’t a big deal, but I’m just stressing because it’s something out of my control at this point. It’s a simple two week project, and they have over 10 until I need it….we have pad. Just makes me nervous, you know?

Drama

I really don’t think any of Gayle’s or my family reads this, but just in case I’m not going to name names. Recently there has been a lot of drama forced upon us surrounding the wedding. Stupid stuff…stuff that doesn’t need to happen. I don’t know if it’s people being childish or if they have a legitmate beef…but c’mon, it needs to stop. Take a moment to think how your actions will be perceived by others…and how that may affect your future with them. It’s not hard. And if you do have an issue with someone or something, be an adult about it and come out and talk about it. If it wasn't for you guys, we really wouldn't be stressing at all over this shindig.

That’s it…I’m done.

For now.

London- Round 2

With free time in hand, we headed back to London. Having been sorely disappointed the last time I visited, I had vowed to make the most of my trip this time. Since I was making the arrangements, I actually booked a very nice hotel right in Trafalgar Square. We planned to arrive in the early evening on Friday and meet my boss’s friend for dinner. Saturday was my free day, which I was going to get up early and see as much as I could before flying out Sunday morning for home.

We had dinner at Gaucho Grill again, which was just as fantastic as the first time I had visited. The rain had let up, and the next day had promised to be even better. And even though I was a “third wheel” for the evening, I had a great time with the girls. We stayed out a bit longer than I would have liked, but I figured a little sleep, a nice breakfast, and my giddiness would overcome anything.

How wrong I was.

I woke up the next morning at 7:30 and went straight for the shower. I felt a little off, but figured I must have had a little more to drink the night before than I thought. It was a little bit of a challenge, but managed to get myself cleaned up and ready to hit the day. After all, I was supposed to meet the girls for breakfast and then start my London adventure. I headed for the dresser and BOOM! Something hit me. All I remember is walking out of the bathroom, seeing the bed, and collapsing into it.

About 4 hours later I regained consciousness, writhing in pain. My stomach was in knots, and I literally felt like the alien was going to pop out of my torso. I managed to roll over and saw my Blackberry on the nightstand with messages waiting. I figured to see the “Where the hell are you?” message, but instead got the “Man down”…my boss was in the same boat.

Both of us spent the entire day going from the bed to the bathroom and back to the bed. The only thing that I’ve ever experienced that was worse was passing a kidney stone. There were times I literally thought I was going to die. Thank god for Pay Per View movies and a concierge that ran out and got us both bottles of Gatorade. Finally about 8pm I started to feel a bit better, but that was short lived once I looked at the room service menu. I was finally able to keep a Snickers I had in my laptop bag down…and that became breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the day.

The next morning, we both felt like someone had punched us in the kidneys. It was difficult to stand upright, let along walk. To this day we still aren’t sure what happened. It could have been food poisoning, but Mo’s friend that went to dinner with us ate the exact same things we did and had no ill effects. The cabbie that took us to the airport said there was a nasty bug that had been floating around, which this could have been as well.

All I know is, it was miserable and even though I’ve been to London twice I’ve really not seen any of the city.

I am seriously upset about that fact. I just hope my UK division starts selling soon so I can justify another trip over there and hopefully see something.

Scotland and the Audi A4 2.0L TDI

After an entire week of back to back trainings, we headed to Glasgow for our last day. I busted out two quick sessions and we were into freetime- yay!

I have had a number of people mention that if given the opportunity, I needed to see the city of Edinburgh. And since this time I was controlling the schedule and arranging the travel and hotels, I made sure we got to do exactly that.

But the problem was getting from Glasgow to Edinburgh. They drive on the left side of the road, and I had never done anything like that before. But I found that Hertz has no problem whatsoever renting to a Yank, so we were on our way. Fortunately we did have the good sense to upgrade to an Audi A4, with an automatic transmission and GPS. (Most rental cars come with a manual transmission, which normally I would adore but given the fact I was driving on the left, the less I have to distract me the better)

The Audi was very comfortable, and very easy to get around in. I only had one minor flub in a parking lot, but took very quickly to driving on the wrong side of the road. The car was extremely quiet and had plenty of oomph to get you where you needed to go. So much in fact, that when I pointed out we were in a diesel to my boss she totally freaked! If we had diesels like this in the States, I’m sure more people would be inclined to go with an oil burner.

We made it with no issues, even when driving in city traffic. And what a city Edinburgh was…I can totally see why people say you must visit. It’s a beautiful city, with a fantastic mix of old and new. Wandering around the city on foot was not a problem whatsoever, and we found a few great places to eat and to drink. Of course the obligatory trip to the castle is in order, however ours wasn’t without it’s quirks. When we had arrived, the weather had been absolutely beautiful. But that can change quickly in a coastal town, as the next morning we were fighting high winds and stinging rain. It was so bad that when we did make it to the castle, they were actually prohibiting the elderly and small children for fear they would blow over. Yes, the wind was that strong! However, the trip was totally worth it. Even though we returned soaked to the bone and freezing cold, I am still happy to report that it was well worth it.

We had spent less than 24 hours in this fine city, but I could tell it was definitely a place to visit. If you ever find yourself heading to the UK, and you have the opportunity, pop up to Edinburgh…you won’t be disappointed.

UK Invasion #2

My return trip to the UK was something that I don’t think I can forget anytime soon. I would be gone for a full week this time, and again traveling all over England and Scotland. The exciting part of this trip was the fact that I actually had built in some free time this time…learning from my last trip that there is so much to see and London can be a fantastic place.

However, this trip did have it’s ups and downs. The first down began before we even left Atlanta- a fuel problem with the airplane caused a 4.5 hour delay before we even left. So a long flight became even that much longer. However, it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. Because of the delay they served dinner while we were on the ground, so once we were in the air I could just sack out and sleep the whole way. We ate like Vikings, and as soon as the plane was off I was curling up and heading to dreamland. Oh how nice it was- I completely zonked out only to wake up when the pilot announced we were on our decent into Manchester.

Or so I thought.

Evidently my dreamland is more like a vindictive spite-filled hellhole rather than a happy place. I had zonked out…that much was true. But I actually dreamed that I had slept the whole way. After feeling so happy and relived that the ride felt so short, I woke up for real and discovered I still had over 8 hours left.

If I could, I would kick my mind’s ass.

PS- Interesting travel tip. If you ever find yourself flying into Manchester Airport with a connecting flight, make sure you are wearing comfortable shoes. It literally took 45 minutes to walk from our arrival gate to our departure gate. I seriously thought I was going to have to carry my boss at one point, as such a hike after a long ass flight will wear you out very quickly.

Guess Who’s Back?

So…yeah, I’ve been slacking a bit. It’s really nobody’s fault but mine, I guess I really haven’t felt like putting words down recently. I suppose it’s part of the transition from uber-travel man to working stiff. Part of me thinks that anything I would really mention wouldn’t be interesting to anyone.

But never fear. Things are settling down at work a bit which actually frees me up for a bit more travel. And with travel comes adventures…something definitely worth writing about. Stay tuned…for there are good things on the horizon.

The TravelEd $5k challenge

No...you can't win $5,000 from me :)

After things settle down a bit and I sell my Vancouver home, G and I will be in the market for another car. We are looking for a dedicated dog car to haul the pups around in, but something that could be used by friends or family when they come to visit. We've been doing some preliminary searching, but I thought it would be fun to open it up to other suggestions.

Here are the parameters that must be satisfied by your suggestion:

1. Budget of $5,000
2. Must be able to be parked in front of the house without embarrassment
3. Must be able to haul the dogs (2 medium and 1 small)
4. Must be reliable enough to let my parents drive
5. Must be within 500 miles of Atlanta, or you must account for transportation to Atlanta in your budget


This is open to all makes and models, as long as they meet the criteria listed above. So get your thinking caps on...and leave a comment with your suggestions!

GTI Woes

One crappy thing about Atlanta right now is the drought. It's rained a little bit, but we are still in the worst drought in over 100 years. Bad drought = Outside Watering Bad. Outside Watering Ban means no washing the car. No washing the car = Unhappy Ed. So the car has gone about 3 months without being washed, which is driving me nuts. Usually it got a bath about every 3 days...so this is way different.

I'm not particularly happy with the GTI right now. Actually, the car is still running fine, so I can't complain that much. But she's fallen off the pedestal with the "Wyoming" incident, the paint issue on the A pillar and being so dirty. And unfortunately these things seem to attract more bad news.

Last week I was riding around when an overwhelming odor wafted into the cabin. Not smoke, not coolant, not oil...something else. It reminded me of a ski shop for some reason. I looked over at my friend Casey who was riding with me, and his look confirmed that there was definitely something going on. He seemed to think it was electrical, and came up with a brilliant plan if smoke suddenly filled the cabin (Find an autoparts store, run in and grab a fire extinguisher while he explains to the clerk what was going on). We eventually parked and investigated, but couldn't locate the source. But something was for sure- my car wasn't smelling right.

The following day I got under the car as much as I could, and almost instantly located the source: I had run over a plastic grocery bag. It had somehow wrapped around the exhaust in the dead center of the car, completely out of reach. I could jack up the car, but of course the movers didn't pack the blocks I used to raise the car enough to get the floor jack underneath. So I had to wait until I had some time to not only run to Lowe's and by a 2x10, but also have enough light to work on the car.

Finally a week later, I found the time. Got the car jacked up, and sure enough the bag had wrapped around the entire pipe and proceeded to melt...making a two foot long section completely coated in plastic. So I climb under with a die grinder and some sandpaper...and went at it.

Oh...did I forget to mention it was snowing at the time!? Yeah...snowing in Atlanta, on the one day I really needed to be outside rolling around on the ground. And to cap it all off, since it was Saturday morning Car Talk(www.cartalk.com) was on the radio, and some guy had called in because of a funny smell coming from his car. And guess what they said the likely culprit was- a plastic grocery bag.

Someone is mocking me.

Ahhhh....Quiet Time!

It's amazing what can happen when you get some time to yourself and stop running around like crazy. For the last week or two, I've actually lived a fairly normal life- and it's been very nice. I've been able to turn my attention to getting settled in the house.

After only three weeks of bathing in front of a picture window, we finally have curtains in the master bedroom and bathroom. I'm sure the workers building the house next to us appreciate that very much, now that they don't have to look at me naked in the morning anymore.

It was an adventure getting them however. Gayle had picked some out in a Target, but of course they didn't have enough to fit our needs. So did we order more? Nooooooo....why do that when there are 3 Targets in a 5 mile radius of your house. So we started out in one Target with a plan, but insufficient hardware and draperies to complete it. We bought what we could and drove to Target #2, where we found more of the hardware, but no more draperies. On to Target #3, where we completed the hardware requirement but were still lacking on the draperies. So did we give up? Nooooo...purchased a different color, or at least as many as we could. Then back to Target #1 and #2 to get the rest in the new color.

I'm sure the guy at Visa that monitors my account activity was like 'WTF is he doing!?'. But screw him...I have curtains now!

I've also succeeded in clearing out all the boxes from the garage that don't belong there, and unpacking all but 3 or4 of the ones that contain garage stuff. I've cleared enough space to park one car in the garage, and after this weekend and a trip or two to Goodwill I should be able to park both car inside. That right there is a victory in my mind. Not too mention I dug out all my tools and got them organized- another victory. Plus I acquired a crappy fridge to keep in my newly uncluttered garage specifically for the storage of malty brews and fermented grapes. Once I fill it up, that will be a BIG victory! ;)

The inside of the house is starting to come along as well, with a few walls getting a few decorations and some clutter piles getting knocked out. Of course this means I have one room completely full of crap...but at least I know what crap is in there.